Why So Many People Hate Going to the Doctor—And What Needs to Change

Why Do People Dread the Doctor’s Office?

For many, visiting a doctor feels like an exhausting, frustrating experience rather than a step toward healing. You sit in a waiting room for an hour, only to be rushed through a 10-minute appointment where you leave with more questions than answers. You try to explain your pain, only to be told it’s stress, anxiety, or “just part of getting older.”

It’s no surprise that so many people—especially women—say they hate going to the doctor. But why is this happening? Is it the fault of doctors, or is there something bigger at play?

As a physician, I’ve heard these frustrations firsthand. As a patient, I’ve felt them myself. And what I’ve learned is that the disconnect between patients and doctors isn’t just about bad bedside manner—it’s about a healthcare system that isn’t built to handle the complexity of real human suffering.

Doctors Are Trained to Find What They Can See

Most people expect doctors to uncover the why behind their pain. But modern medicine is built on a system that prioritizes what can be seen, measured, or tested—not necessarily what can be felt.

When you come in with chest pain, your doctor can check for a heart attack. When you have a persistent cough, an X-ray might reveal pneumonia. But what happens when your pain doesn’t show up on a scan?

This is where many patients, especially women, start feeling unheard. Conditions like IBS, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, and somatic symptom disorder are often diagnoses of exclusion—meaning they are given only after doctors have ruled out life-threatening diseases. While these are very real conditions, they can often feel like a vague, unsatisfying label slapped onto unexplained suffering.

To the patient, it feels like being dismissed.To the doctor, it feels like running out of options.And so, the frustration builds.

Why Women’s Pain Is Often Overlooked

Women, in particular, are more likely to face medical gaslighting—a term used to describe when doctors downplay or dismiss symptoms. Research has shown that:

🔹 Women wait longer than men for pain medication in emergency rooms.

🔹 They are more likely to be told their symptoms are caused by stress, anxiety, or hormones.

🔹 Conditions like endometriosis take an average of 7-10 years to diagnose.

For women who have experienced trauma, the medical system can be even more invalidating. When past trauma is unresolved, physical pain often becomes the body’s way of expressing what words cannot. But instead of being met with understanding, these patients are often labeled with “medically unexplained symptoms” and left to navigate their suffering alone.

The Truth About Pain: Your Body Is Speaking to You

Here’s something I wish more doctors and patients understood:

When your body hurts and no one can find a cause, your pain is still real.

For many women, chronic pain is more than just a physical problem—it is a message from deep within. It is your body holding onto past wounds, your nervous system stuck in survival mode, your unspoken grief demanding to be acknowledged.

If this resonates with you, I want you to consider something:

👉 What if your pain isn’t just a problem to be solved, but a story to be heard?

👉 What if the frustration of not getting answers isn’t because doctors don’t care, but because modern medicine isn’t designed to address the root of your suffering?

👉 And what if, instead of fighting to prove your pain is real, you started exploring what your body might be trying to tell you?

I guarantee you—once you make this connection, you will start to see your pain in a new light. And when you begin listening, really listening, you may find that healing happens in ways you never expected.

Healing Begins With Being Heard

So, what needs to change?

💡 Doctors need to be trained to listen—not just to symptoms, but to stories.

💡 The medical system needs to acknowledge that emotional and physical pain are deeply connected.

💡 Patients need to be empowered to take charge of their healing, beyond just prescriptions and test results.

At Hear Her Heal, we are creating a space for women who feel unheard, unseen, and dismissed by the medical system because you do not have to suffer in silence.

Join the Conversation

💬 Share your experience in the comments/ story submission below and connect with our community of women who are reclaiming their health and their voices.

With Love and Understanding,

Dr. Su